Well Its been a while since I blogged because there really hasnt been much of interest going on. Life in Cos had pretty much gone from bad to worse. There was no RP at any time anywhere other than your requisite greetings and blank vacant stares. In an effort to "spice up" the RP, the powers that be decided to wreck the existing city and rebuild it. We were all a twitter about the fun that could come from this. But what happened.,... the RP died. The people left. Or they just didnt show up. Many moved on to the RP du jour of the sim Obscure Reality which had nothing to do with Gor. I even ventured there a few times and found it to be seriously wanting. Midian folk and gorean folk all staying in their respective social groups. Not very RP condusive if you ask me, it was just taking a certain RP and moving it elsewhere. Meh, its the flavor of the month.
Jared made more promises to be around more and to master thyri more, but that promise was again broken. thyri finally will be sold. Vyl rented thyri for a few weeks which was some decent RP actually. I get to do my solo RP thing and actually have it appreciated. And I have some decent RP. Now I had never thought of really being his. He strikes me as a little unstable, he's Dutch, and it really seems to me the dutch seem to act very very quickly for things. Not really my style, but its ownership and its RP. I do have a bit of a problem with the sexual aspect with him. As much as i've gone on and on about my aversion to sexual RP on the Gorums, I do actually like sexual RP. I love it. I just dont want my only Gorean role to be just sexual. But I think he misunderstands me thinking that all I want to RP is a work slave. I hope this is not the case.
My poor friend is still under the spell of this completely abusive dude and I really feel sorry for her. She claims to love him. He's young enough to be her son, he's mentally unstable and requires a gaggle of women constantly around him to validate his existance. I only hope her eyes will open up soon before she gets seriously hurt by him. He's already cajoled her past many of her limits and I just pray that she sees the truth about this guy before he does her some serious harm
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Doors close, doors open
For the longest time I discounted Vyl as a potential new owner. Probably the number one reason is because I'm scared to death that I'm going to get close to him and get hurt. He's dutch, he's very happily married, I'm american, I'm very unhappily married. NOT a good situation for me personally. We have shared a great deal of our personal lives with each other, we share a similar spirituality, he asks about my foot even when my master has stopped. He seems concerned about me which is nice. I cant help but think most everything is a setup these days. Some prank to have me fall flat on my face, something to restrict my freedoms, something to break me. I'm not ready to break yet. I'm already so broken because of my husband, breaking to another man will probably cause me some kind of mental illness.
But he's nice. And he does RP with me. He doesnt just send me away, we have similar gorean views, and he is a para Rper despite the language barrier. I cant help but imagine what he must go through to speak my language in such volume. Maybe I'm one of those ugly americans but I couldnt RP in dutch to save my life.
Its scaring me, its scaring me a lot. I look forward to seeing this person online so much that I hide from them. I dont want it to appear as though I'm chasing them or trying to use their influence to my benefit. I dont want to be the slave of someone in power because I dont want to look like I'm some power hungry kissup.
So thyri's role has changed a great deal. Once a dancer, a tavern slut who was the most desired in HTML Gor.... is now... a pot girl. She cleans, she cooks, she gets up before everyone else does to make the tea and black wine. She sleeps in the work shed, she is the definition to me of a slave. And it hurts. Because of the state of slaves in SL Gor, every one of them clamoring for sexual attention, I cannot cry out for it. Lords knows I do want to, it would be nice to get more than one line. But to ask for sex would be to compete with everyone else out there for the notch that day on the bedpost. And I'm not that girl
The other day, Vyl and I were probably the most intimate with each other than we ever had. Perhaps I felt liberated because his character could do nothing about any advances I made, but the second anything turned sexual, I ran. Why am I still running? I dont know, I wish I did. Maybe its because I'm so scared I've put so much into thyri that I may shatter if anything goes wrong. I have no problems RPing sexually on an alt though so I know its not some fear of getting my word jollies off.
Confusion still ensues for me.
But he's nice. And he does RP with me. He doesnt just send me away, we have similar gorean views, and he is a para Rper despite the language barrier. I cant help but imagine what he must go through to speak my language in such volume. Maybe I'm one of those ugly americans but I couldnt RP in dutch to save my life.
Its scaring me, its scaring me a lot. I look forward to seeing this person online so much that I hide from them. I dont want it to appear as though I'm chasing them or trying to use their influence to my benefit. I dont want to be the slave of someone in power because I dont want to look like I'm some power hungry kissup.
So thyri's role has changed a great deal. Once a dancer, a tavern slut who was the most desired in HTML Gor.... is now... a pot girl. She cleans, she cooks, she gets up before everyone else does to make the tea and black wine. She sleeps in the work shed, she is the definition to me of a slave. And it hurts. Because of the state of slaves in SL Gor, every one of them clamoring for sexual attention, I cannot cry out for it. Lords knows I do want to, it would be nice to get more than one line. But to ask for sex would be to compete with everyone else out there for the notch that day on the bedpost. And I'm not that girl
The other day, Vyl and I were probably the most intimate with each other than we ever had. Perhaps I felt liberated because his character could do nothing about any advances I made, but the second anything turned sexual, I ran. Why am I still running? I dont know, I wish I did. Maybe its because I'm so scared I've put so much into thyri that I may shatter if anything goes wrong. I have no problems RPing sexually on an alt though so I know its not some fear of getting my word jollies off.
Confusion still ensues for me.
What is Gor?
Well to continue my plight, I regressed again into WoW because probably of Blue again. The man absolutely infuriates me. There are apparantly some people in this world who dont know when to speak and when they just need to keep their opinions to themselves. Sometimes they need to learn some couth when asked for their opinion to simply smile and nod. This is a lost art form. Its not lying, its simple courtesy. We got into it when he said I expect people to come to me to RP with me, and that I'm behaving like a princess because I expect people to come to me. If I expected people to come to me, why would I spend so many hours in solo RP? ACTIVE solo RP. Not just standing away from people within earshot of their conversations, but actually doing something.
Then he said some things that just really pissed me off. On the gorums we debate a lot. I believe that Gor is not all about sex and fucking and where to have sex, and how to have sex, and when to have sex... sex sex sex. NO, its NOT all about sex. Sex is a part of life, a natural part of a Gorean's life. But its not the ONLY part. Now granted, when we log into Gor we are taking a slice of the life of our character and portraying that slice. But, does that slice have to be sex all the time? Sex or fighting or sex, or... fighting... or sex? Seems rather redundant and I can get sex in some freebie sex club and I dont need to RP Gor to get my pixel porno fix.
But Blue decided to attack me on the forums. AGAIN. When he confronted me in world about it, he told me that he actually was trying to RP with me IC. I never saw it, I saw his Dace character RP with me, but Tristan and Blue, and gods knows who else... nope. They never did. So I dont know what he was talking about then. THen he brought up our little trysts, and how I was so open. I said yah, so open giving him the best of my RP while he was in RP on another character and probably on MSN or Yahoo RPing with someone else, and giving me one line responses to my text. I told him that legend had it that he was some kind of stellar RPer. I didnt see it. He asked if he would have another chance. I said probably not because it wasnt the first time it happened and if he's so popular as to have RP surrounding him in multiple forms... he doesnt need me to RP with. After yet another arguement on the gorums, I was forced to mute him. In world, on MSN, on the forums. I have had it.
He got on an alt to try to insult me again, so I had to mute that alt as well. Its absolutely amazing that he calls what we had "friendship". If my being his whipping girl and standing up for him despite everything he went through with Torrid and Dear and gods knows who else. Well I suppose I served my purpose. But I can only be someone's punching bag for so long.
Then he said some things that just really pissed me off. On the gorums we debate a lot. I believe that Gor is not all about sex and fucking and where to have sex, and how to have sex, and when to have sex... sex sex sex. NO, its NOT all about sex. Sex is a part of life, a natural part of a Gorean's life. But its not the ONLY part. Now granted, when we log into Gor we are taking a slice of the life of our character and portraying that slice. But, does that slice have to be sex all the time? Sex or fighting or sex, or... fighting... or sex? Seems rather redundant and I can get sex in some freebie sex club and I dont need to RP Gor to get my pixel porno fix.
But Blue decided to attack me on the forums. AGAIN. When he confronted me in world about it, he told me that he actually was trying to RP with me IC. I never saw it, I saw his Dace character RP with me, but Tristan and Blue, and gods knows who else... nope. They never did. So I dont know what he was talking about then. THen he brought up our little trysts, and how I was so open. I said yah, so open giving him the best of my RP while he was in RP on another character and probably on MSN or Yahoo RPing with someone else, and giving me one line responses to my text. I told him that legend had it that he was some kind of stellar RPer. I didnt see it. He asked if he would have another chance. I said probably not because it wasnt the first time it happened and if he's so popular as to have RP surrounding him in multiple forms... he doesnt need me to RP with. After yet another arguement on the gorums, I was forced to mute him. In world, on MSN, on the forums. I have had it.
He got on an alt to try to insult me again, so I had to mute that alt as well. Its absolutely amazing that he calls what we had "friendship". If my being his whipping girl and standing up for him despite everything he went through with Torrid and Dear and gods knows who else. Well I suppose I served my purpose. But I can only be someone's punching bag for so long.
Been a while
So, I stopped blogging for a while. Things have been turbulent at best.
My master is never around anymore. Well, in second life he's never around. In WoW, he's always there. Now I understand that he pays money for WoW and that during these times, money is tight. But no role play in a month to only get about an hour or so is not all that great. Frankly, it sucks.
So I put my feelers out for a new owner. Blue is certainly NOT an option. Not because he gets in my head, well thats one, but he also has this arguementative personality that just grates on me. Frankly he reminds me of my husband. EEEW! Arguing just for the sake of arguing without even trying to see the other person's point of view. Ever notice how someone you're thinking of dating treats the waiter? Well thats like Blue. Has his charming points, but in RP... my experience with him, he cant hold a candle to me and thats because of being rude.
Then there's Vyl. Vyl's nice. He's been trying to get his hands on me since I showed up in Telnus. Problem is, time zones. And language barrier. And... he's dutch. And I think he's very flitty. He thinks he has his perfect match and latches on very quick only to find out things werent all that they seemed. Things continue with Vyl to this day however.
Then there's Scott. Good ol reliable Scott. He's a sweetiepie. The kind you just want to wrap up with a bow and take home to mom. He's a very very dear friend to me and I do care for him like I care fiercely for those I do call friend. He watches out for me and we talk about our personal lives and stuff. Problem is, he's one man trying to save the world. And the world needs a lot of saving. I call his chain of kajirae the "Gaffer Home for Wayward Kajirae" he's got a LONG chain. And he's one person. I couldnt deal with it. Great friend... not so great as an owner.
Then I went out on a limb. I have been talking to someone who's a gaming geek like me, wants to change the world etc... decent fellow, adequate RPer from what I've seen. And all seemed well and good en route to a possible purchase by him. And then he leaves Gor. GAH! Why oh why... oh well. I infatuate easily.
There is also the fighter Karim I absolutely lust after. Its totally just his fighting style I admire. The warrior spirit. I have no clue how he treats people, how he RPs but he's pretty to look at!
to be continued, this is getting long.
My master is never around anymore. Well, in second life he's never around. In WoW, he's always there. Now I understand that he pays money for WoW and that during these times, money is tight. But no role play in a month to only get about an hour or so is not all that great. Frankly, it sucks.
So I put my feelers out for a new owner. Blue is certainly NOT an option. Not because he gets in my head, well thats one, but he also has this arguementative personality that just grates on me. Frankly he reminds me of my husband. EEEW! Arguing just for the sake of arguing without even trying to see the other person's point of view. Ever notice how someone you're thinking of dating treats the waiter? Well thats like Blue. Has his charming points, but in RP... my experience with him, he cant hold a candle to me and thats because of being rude.
Then there's Vyl. Vyl's nice. He's been trying to get his hands on me since I showed up in Telnus. Problem is, time zones. And language barrier. And... he's dutch. And I think he's very flitty. He thinks he has his perfect match and latches on very quick only to find out things werent all that they seemed. Things continue with Vyl to this day however.
Then there's Scott. Good ol reliable Scott. He's a sweetiepie. The kind you just want to wrap up with a bow and take home to mom. He's a very very dear friend to me and I do care for him like I care fiercely for those I do call friend. He watches out for me and we talk about our personal lives and stuff. Problem is, he's one man trying to save the world. And the world needs a lot of saving. I call his chain of kajirae the "Gaffer Home for Wayward Kajirae" he's got a LONG chain. And he's one person. I couldnt deal with it. Great friend... not so great as an owner.
Then I went out on a limb. I have been talking to someone who's a gaming geek like me, wants to change the world etc... decent fellow, adequate RPer from what I've seen. And all seemed well and good en route to a possible purchase by him. And then he leaves Gor. GAH! Why oh why... oh well. I infatuate easily.
There is also the fighter Karim I absolutely lust after. Its totally just his fighting style I admire. The warrior spirit. I have no clue how he treats people, how he RPs but he's pretty to look at!
to be continued, this is getting long.
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