A slave's work is never done

Much fun has been insuing in my little secret blog o life.

First thing's first. Remember that dude that I said "hey no more sex, sex bad, cant have sex with you, you feel for another woman and I'm not going to let you dominate me because I'm a weak coward" yah that one. Well he comes galavanting into my IM talkin all sex again. Wait WHAT? Didnt I tell you no, didnt you have the hissy fit that I cut that out and now you're sniffin around my hole again? I dont think so tim. So he went to work or whatever it is he does with the sign off line "good night wall art" (he had strung me to a wall, and actually gave ONE decent paragraph RP wise... of course followed by the one line wondering) Like somehow that would tease me into sniffing around his tree. I think for some reason since I'm not chasing after him, he thinks now he's going to come sniff after me. I'm sorry pal, you love the chase, you love the attention. I'm not the one to give it to you. Stop being an e-whore and I MIGHT consider it.

In the meantime he collared my little sister, my bestest friend, another woman I can truly say I love. I just want to protect her from him because I KNOW he will influence her. I KNOW he's going to break her heart like it was broken from this other guy. I want to protect my friend. Not only because I'm jealous because somehow I'm only worthy to fuck whenever he gets his panties in a wad, but because well, he's popular. I'd like some popularity and excitement in my second life. Just like my real life, its boring.

Which comes back to me RPing the hard working slave while the boot humpers hump away. I had a little forum tiff with the sim owner of the sim I'm on which she totally derailed the thread to attack me. Psh, like she's any kind of star. She seems to be under the delusion that RP is all about socialization and being More Gorean than Thou. Well that kind of RP works for some. All the posturing and plotting and verbalizations... but sometimes... your ass has to move. And sometimes in moving that ass, you're actually... wait for it... doing something! I believe in that active form of RP, and its a lonely existance

I did get to RP with some people though after that post, and got a TON of people saying "I really like what you're doing here, you make it seem like the sim is real, its alive" Thank you. Thank you SO much. That warms me up inside so much to see that. It feels good to get recognition.

I talked with my master again about his being online once a week. He said he'd work on it. We spent the day RPing together and it was decent. He's a little limited in his scope and ability to listen to what anyone else is saying in RP.. but.. it was good to not RP baking yet another pie.

My best RP friend and I spoke again. Le sighhhhh. le hotness... le.... oh my gods yep I'm falling for him again. I cant get him out of my head. I HAVENT been able to get him out of my head for over a year now. So I made him an avatar, an attractive avatar with the winnings I made from a serving competition which I took second in YES GO ME. And I'm teaching him all about second life now. He looked at the avatar I made for him and he likes it PHEW didnt need to buy the 2000 skin. He's happy, I'm happy and we promised this time around... we're taking things slowly. We're still healing from each other because while we are electric together, sometimes... if you play with electricity, you get a really bad burn.

But gods, if I can get him into Gor..... oh yes. Oh FUCK yes. Oh please oh please oh please my panties get wet just THINKING of him.

RP WITH ME DAMNIT

So I've been in Telnus for quite some time and the longer I'm there the more and more unhappy I become. I just must be generally an unhappy person or something or I'm hormonal or whatever because I'm just getting flat out fed up with people. For the past 2 weeks or so, I've role played some pretty laborious things. Fixing a pier, baking, cleaning, setting up food every night for people who dont come..... but its all by myself. And I write all of this out. I dont just hop on a poseball or do an animation or something... I write it all down. In the open, in longpost format. Even when there's noone around listening to me, I'm Rping it all out. It helps my immersion.

What gets to me is when I DO approach a group of people, and have a reason to... all of a sudden everyone's quiet. Tonight I was in Telnus, and I greeted, looked to see what the people were talking about, trying to get SOME RP out of them. One of the individuals said they were "lost in thought" now with their slave kneeling behind them, that means they're in IM with their slave and just standing around like a lump. BUT the second someone arrived on the sim, this person RAN OVER TO THEM!!!

WHAT THE FUCK!!! Hello! I'm here, I'm BEGGING you to RP with me. Please please at this point I almost dont care if my character dies because at least it would be RP! I stayed a little longer, and ANOTHER stranger, a "visiting slave" appeared on the docks... and then they were also GREETED. I dont even get a hello, fuck you or anything! What the hell do I have to do!? I'm working my ASS off in self RP but when I'm literally BEGGING for something interactive I'm either sent away or I'm just shoved off and ignored. Its making me crazy

Bored and Gored

Well finally the RP with the city of Sulport came to an end. It lasted all of 5 lovely BORING days. I've come to some realizations in my travel there. 1. I absolutely love Telnus, despite people not wanting to work. 2. RP is what you make of it. and 3. I'm never going to let some overstuffed knowitall tell me that I'm one of those too goody goody for your RP.

I am redeemed.

My master however is another matter alltogether. We had to make a playdate for some quality time together because of his WoW playing and my RP taking me over to Sulport. Now normally... I wouldnt mind this, I'd normally look forward to it but... his RP has pretty much been found wanting. Its like rote with him. Insert tab A into slot B. Hump madly for 3 posts... orgasm... insert his personal kink here thats starting to squick me out. Its becoming like a one line wonder with him. I dont really know what to do about it. I try to encourage our sexual RP to spice up in some ways... try different scenarios, try different places, hell even some role reversal... nothing's getting him back to the longposting form that I absolutely crave in my RP.

Does this make me a complete nit? I dont really know. The Ubar of Sulport was the same way. One line wonders. Granted some was stimulating enough. That was the way too with my friend who I had to sever sexual ties with. One line wonder RP. BOR-RING. I'm sorry but I cannot enjoy myself with that kind of RP, and I sure as hell aint fapping to one line wonders.

I enjoyed some beautiful RP on an alt the other night. Someone who was outwriting me. Now granted, I was already in sexual RP with someone else.. yah I'm such a fucking whore. But it was GOOD! Is it really that difficult to get good long winded RP? Or has RP turned to one hand in your lap, the other typing one line of "I touch your boob, I finger you" YAWN!

So I've been working on my friend's avatar for a few days now. Damn he looks good. I'd hit it. I think thats what his intent was. The more we talk the more I'm thinking he's doing this all to get back with me. Now this leaves me thinking.... is the same thing that happened 15 months ago going to happen again? With him completely sexually flipping out? Where his depression issues will result in my heart being ripped apart again? I know that I'm a prime victim for abuse by men because I'm just so darned nice and forgiving. It scares me.

It also scares me that my master and I are loving towards each other OOCly. I've told him I'm bringing this other person to Gor because they want to interact with me again. BUT, I'm starting to think thats this person's ONLY reason for wanting to come to Gor. We both realize we're damn good in our RP. Like fucking good. Like electricity, hey, its what we do best. But I also want him to enjoy RP with others. To get out there and show the world "yes you're the fucking best there is, was and ever will be, knock their socks off, dazzle them, wow them and beat them senseless in their RP" But what if he's doing this only for me? I feel egotistical as hell saying this but why would he have me make a character that seems attractive to me and make not so veiled hints that he wants back in my e-pants. I mean even our rather mundane conversations make me tingle recently. Maybe its a lack of sex for me. Its been WAY too long.

So I've been thinking on that. I spoke with my very good geek friend today and we were discussing combat in SL as well as how to bring this person into Gor. He volunteered to mentor my friend. Which is awesome. I can really only teach a man so much. He needs to learn some things from a male gorean's perspective, and my friend I had to cut sexual ties with ISNT the person to do this. Those two would probably beat each other senseless and my friend would never want to see second life again.

I plan however to have a good 5-6 hours free time though when my friend returns to RP. And I plan to have several towels.

Off to adventure

Or so I thought. A friend of mine and I were talking about how RP was getting to be at a real low point for me, so we created a little plotline to get me a little more involved. Even if it was just involved with a minor plotline, it was something HAPPENING. So of course I accepted it.

But then I went to this place. 1. I was called a "lazy slave" for chattering with a friend in their OOC marketplace. Gotta love MORONS who insist I'm Gorean in OOC areas. Bastards. THEN he started force posting on me. "talk you lazy bitch, get up you stupid slave" LOOK BUB It takes me longer than 1 second to type out my response. If you cannot handle that, get the fuck away from me. His excuse to my begging him to please slow his text down was "I come from somewhere where the text boxes are smaller" WHERE??? SL has a pretty small amount of space, WoW has less. And this MORON with supposedly 10 years Gorean experience doesnt know that someone's taking time to type? I dont think so. Just another idiot who read a few notecards and took the position of a slaver in a city thinking it was his way to act out his brutal whipping spank happy fantasies. My big clue should have been when this idiot spanked me, and then suggested a spanking. HELLO??? 10 years Gorean and you think spanking is supposed to be some moaning event? I dont know you anymore idiot.

Otherwise the city of Sulport seems to have been interesting enough. The ubar though seems to think that OOC things like when I ask to go to an OOC event he seems to think its up for debate in RP. Oh no pal. Then he thought that I went to OOC fishing because his RP was bad. It was, but not abhorrent enough for me to rather go fishing. Meh, I just cant wait to get back to Cos.

More fun!

So I finally decided to tell this person I was OOCly RPing with that I needed to stop RPing with them on a personal level. It wasnt because I wasnt enjoying myself. But I'll be honest with myself here. They were HORRID at RP. I was needy for attention and they made me feel special but the lack of dialogue got to me so much that I felt like I was lowering myself to a standard I had no desire to be in. Not to mention that whole "he's RL in love with some other chick that could make my SL life a living hell and I like this other girl too"

I've also come to the realization that this individual must be incredibly unhappy with themselves. They surround themself with women. Not other male friends, but lonely dependant despondant women. Weak women. I realized this when he called me over to his parcel to look for something he had lost. Something that could easily have been autoreturned to him but nooo he wanted his throng of women to come scurry around looking for his chicken. When I realized this and told him "look I'm not interested in looking for your chicken anymore, I cant find it, I've looked above ground, below ground, in buildings, its NOT here" he said "aww just one more time" NO. Then I noticed. 5 other female avatars on the parcel. Not a male in sight. This is what made me cut off the sexual conversations with this person. Not only did they RP on other characters WHILE in IMs RPing with me, not to mention they probably were on MSN and Yahoo RPing with others there too. No WONDER this person's prose read like a 5 year old. If I had to keep up 5 seperate sexual RPs at the same time I'd be short winded too. Then I looked at my friendslist. Males, females... ok who do I turn to when I'm lonely and want to talk... even split of males and females. My friends. Then I thought about what this person's friends list must be like. How they interact with other men vs how they interact with women.

On the forums this individual seems to me to hate women. Hate everything about them. If a woman says boo shit about a man about how he's not meeting her needs, all of a sudden she's evil and sexist and women in general are the scum of the earth. Yet he continues to surround himself with women. To me this person seems incredibly unstable.

They messaged me the other night then saying "so much for being friends" I said I'm still your friend, I just havent had anything to say, I havent been in world for a while, I've been beating up things in WoW. He said I became a ghost when I stopped having sexual conversations with him. Well if thats how he felt, maybe he needed to investigate that he only came to me to fufill his sexual needs. It happens a lot with me, I'm a sexual person, but the second I feel used. Oh no. Not going to happen... buh bye pal.

I've also gotten involved with some real good friends. Friends who talk to me not just about sex, but about things that are our common interests. Gor, literature, music.. STUFF. Men and women talking like human beings. Enjoying conversations, nothing of which to do with sex. Its felt very very good. No pressure, great RP and just friendship. Friendship the way its supposed to be.

So the other night too, an OLD RP partner of mine decided to show back up into my life. To the people in SL I've never spoke about this person because it makes me sound egotistical as shit, but.. hey I'm an egomaniac when it comes to my RP. My RP is good, my RP rules. I rule. Go me. So anyways this person came back into my life via IM. Apologizing for the hell they put me through, the way they flipped out on me. I accepted it. But also something sparked inside of me. I want to RP with them again! We ruled RP together. We shut up entire rooms full of people with our RP. Chat channels virtually shut down when we got together. We were pure electricity. And it felt good. Oh GODS did it feel good. I mean orgasmicly good on the RL and virtual level. Gods I want that again. To make people virtually shut down to see my RP. The kind of attention I get when I compete in dance. When people say "you cannot be beat" THAT is incredibly empowering. It feels good. And I want it again.

Its like a drug, good RP. You find someone who you click with and your RP soars. Its no longer about trying to best them in prose. Its no longer a power struggle, its a dance, a beautiful wonderful dance. And I want more.

Still writing

Ok I'm still writing.. still plugging on. Still someone's secret lover and friend. Does this make me feel like the crud on the bottom of someone's shoe? You bet. That I'm this person, always there for someone else, yet invisible. Pretty much like my RP experience. I stay in the shadows, always working. Sometimes I get a little OOC pat on the head which definitely is nice. Someone came up to me the other day and said "hey, a bunch of us are really impressed by what you're doing with the docks" well gee thanks. If only I could recruit more into this adventure rather than them sitting like lapdogs who never did an ounce of hard work in their lives.

I also had a very nice discussion in Telnus the other night on the meaning of Service. Since this blog pretty much is for me and myself, but I figure someone's going to find it somewhere.. I should probably write what happened. Service is a big thing to me. From hard labor to being that lap dog, its all service. Its about putting someone else first. When it comes to sexual service or food and drink service, most of that actually is self serving. Its this "look at me" attitude. A slave has control in those glory positions. All of the focus turns to the slave then. But what about the duties that are part of our everyday life? Washing the dishes, cleaning the house. Those are aspects of service.

We also then went into the role of a pleasure slave. The four of us pretty much agreed that a pleasure slave was more like a geisha or a courtesan rather than being a prostitute or hooker or pole dancer. A little dissent came up about the art of seduction. I tried to explain that seduction was subtle, it was a look in someone's eye, a movement of fabric, the way the body was held just so. The use of body language is powerful in seduction. Now one can flop up on a table with their legs spread open screaming "COME AND GET IT" and that will send a very clear message. But look at the message that's being sent. Is that really the message thats wanted to be conveyed? The same message can be sent by a look in the eye or a slight movement of the body. A seduction. Both women can be the embodiment of sex. But one woman will be desired only briefly. The other women will have men desiring her, lusting for her, wanting to CLAIM her. Which are you?

Lets see what else, oh there was some home stone stuff going on in the city today, and some free woman spat on the home stone. NOW, here's my problem with what happened afterwards. She was placed into the center of an unruly mob, and a prim whip was passed around. I'm sorry I missed where in Sadists of Gor this was written. After someone I respect greatly stepped up into the fray, I left. I'm sorry I couldnt bear watching it. It was a disgusting display. Finally a friend put the girl out of her misery by stabbing her... and then all hell broke loose again. I didnt see it but I only heard of it. I stand up for what I believe is right. And I would NOT watch this happening I would not support it.

War is also coming to the city, fun. Now, here's how silly I am. I spoke with a friend last weekend and well.. I might get myself stolen. With the city having earthquakes, buildings are off limits. So now I'm going to be in the open and have to try to keep myself hidden, while in character not knowing that war is coming. This should be interesting. I'm not looking to get stolen, but it might just be the spark I need in my RP